I will be away for a week...

Be back on the 5th Oct...

Misses but i was aked to go to Tokyo...

Hoh well....

I will miss MAdness...

I will miss Showchoir...

I will miss my jalan raya with my class! Sigh!Pffffft!vatever...

I will miss all my trainings... I'm so sorry...

Last But not least...

I will miss Syg...

Haven been seeing him for like 3 weeks soon...

BUt its alright.

Make it a stage for us to go through...

If it worths it...

It will definitely work....

For the benefit of his furture and mine...

Still i'll miss you lorts lorts....!!!

Mama Do - Pixie Lott

Furby n Big big eye!

What in those needs tht everyone hope to hope for..
What in those that people hopes to desire for..
What in those that people wish to have for...
What in those needs that people dare to do for....


Tsk for being too free
Tsk for being too independent
Tsk for being to bored with nth to do
Tsk for being only be able to speak for less than 5
Tsk for being too far
Tsk for being too left out
Tsk for being tears roll
Tsk for being hearts spilled
Tsk for being hardcore
Tsk for being phone-lines away
Tsk for being shhhh
Tsk for being such a let down
Tsk for being hopeless
Tsk for being useless
Tsk for being retard
Tsk for being brokened
Tsk for being sleepless nights
Tsk for being daring
Tsk for being trying
Tsk for being everything
I thank myself ,for loving u deeply....

What would you do when someone belovedly u loved so much left you...

Be it as a family.

But someone whom you'd always have it there when u need it most.

When ur down, u can just talk to him without him whining back at you or barking at you..

But just look at you with despair and understands your worries?

12 years ago when i was 9.

I received a puppy...

He was a beagle with tri band colour on his body..

Seeing him so energetic and playful....

But now......

I've just lost 1 of my beloved one....

He might not be there to give advice to me...

He might nt be the one who always say i love you..

He might not be the one who scolds u upside down..

But his someone who is always there and makes u smile.

Sometimes seeing him doing dumb stuffs...

Stumble over stuff .

Or laying on the floor ,

face on the corridor...

Makes us chill with an awwwww.....

So cute!!!

Yeap, all was gone in just during our hours of sleep

Without us saying good bye or seeing him passed away right before our eyes...

I couldn't believe he would leave me tht early...

But i know his suffering...

I know he is hinting us..

I was suppose to bring him to the vet today...

But he doesn't give me the chance to bring him to see the vet.

But instead to leave without a good bye...

The last time i saw him was last night after i came home with dinner..

.Me calling for him...

Him not moving or responding to my calls...

After this morning ,

seeing him lay at the side of the grass with his mouth not closed...

Makes me think he died suffering badly...

I couldn't stop tearing....

Till the time the person came to take him away.

Seeing him carry charlie into the black plastic bag makes me wanna tear even more...

Worse was i wasn't allowed to have his ash .....

Till now...

i missed his waiting by the gate for me....

The tail wagging and barking at me for food...

I missed his running back to the backyard at 7pm SHARP to bark for food....

I missed his snatching of food from me....

i missed his smile with his tongue sticking out...

I misssed his using of nose pushing the sliding door wanting to come in.....

I missed his ,me calling him to "sit" or "down" or "come here charlie!!!"

or "go behind! go behind!"

I miss every single of him....

That 12 years of relationship with him was so unbearable to let him go...

His more than a family to me...

And i will miss him like how i miss those tht i loved dearly whole-heartedly....

Saddness aside for now...

I went to watch FAME with showchoir peeps today...

To clear the mind for awhile....

Seeing the happenings in FAME.

A few tht are quite similar to my life now....

Haiz,....sad...

But learn from one point...

You cannot be greedy to be having FAME all the time...

If FAME is wat you want...

You'll miss something that is much more important...

Not say i wanna say...

But i leave it to you to listen , understand and hear for youself... =)

Nights...

What HURTS the MOST...

Is being SO cLOSE....

Having SO Much to say...

WATCHIN u walkaway....

Half of showchoir ONLY!

AMIRA's trend =)

And this is Phoebe! =)

Now it's the girls turn ! =)

THIS GIRL IS AMIRA'S BIGGEST FAN!!!!!

SEE! I AIN'T LYING RIGHT!!! HAHAHAH!!!!!

All the contestants...

Syirah and Dj

KAMSANI n syirah's brotha...

oPPPSSSS cuT cuT!

These couple is just so lovely to be true!

Teeeheee!

I had a long day..
Had rehersals....then to support Amira..
By the time i came home it was pass midnight
Then to wake up early to go for netball training...

And here i am......

Pictures below was tht monday....

Met up with Jasmine , Anthony and Edwin FOR KARAOKE SESSION...

it's been very long i had it with them...

Furby and Del and ah mao cam along for dinner. =)

Hello Hello!!!!

Today is the last day of Pusa!

Yes all of you are excited!

so am i!

well, i may be chinese but!

i am excited to experience the feeling of celebrating hari raya...

Chinese at BLOOD !

teehee! Ok....

SHUT UP APRIL!

Yeap, its my first time buying Baju

and its my first time celebrating Hari Raya!

Yeahness to me QUICK!!!!!

lOL!.....

Just afew more hours till its time....

I hereby,wish you all....

Selamat Hari Raya!!!

kau segalanya jangan berfikir aku tak phaham aku cakcap.

tapi! aku does!!!!

maka, jangan main main ah!

Later, aku cakcap semuanya di malayu!

Jangan berfikir aku gila

aku mampa ke membuat maka.

Tapi, aku menghendaki masa..... =)

Do i score a "A" in just these sentence?

I hope i do...

hehehe! ok, i dunno what i'm taking from the malay dictionary infront of me..

No, i mean i do...

But i think the words i put together are word by word...

Pardon me by all the weird weird ones k!?

I'll learn more! hahahah!

Ok! HAPPY HAPPY! =)

I just realise that after so much....

I've only been whining and whining...breaking down in a breakage pipe.

WTF... tell me i am whining.

yes i am....

I always hear people complaining about their interllectual problems

and gives advice

In the end

my problems are the same as their...

I came across thinking why can't i put the advice i gave to them into mine?

Yes, situations are diff

but still in the end...

you'll have to SUCK IT UP!

and accept the negative vibes.....

I don't know how many times i have to tell myself to wake up

Cause i am no longer young anymore...

not saying i'm very old cuz i still look 19 or 18 better still haahha!!!!

But to talk about career wise...

i'll have to think up ahead...

i cannot always have studies and studies in my mind...

knowing books of theories kills the hell out of me though i like to see books...

Sometimes being a retard ain't so bad after all.

Cuz we won't have feelings or many shits to think about but just being retards....

But do you know, being retards has feelings too?

Though they look , act and sound retard but they are clever too...

its just a matter of time they need to adverb to the social life...

Like Handicapped people.

They may have disablility somewhere than the normal people.

But they've achieved so much more than us normal people.

Because they are strong inside...

Therefore, we should learn from them...

After all the notes from the tagboard and msges from natri...

I teared cuz i understand some of their situation...

And felt like as if i was them then to give them advices like tht too..

that in return they'd do for me too...

I'd shall learn to suck it up...

Grow up girl...

U cannot depend on anyone but yourself...

In Life, everyone wants to be born a winner...

But what happens if a winner if not shown?

It'll be known to be hopeless???

What happens if ur called to be hopeless and useless?

Things you've wanted to achieve but in actual fact; you've achieved nothing.

How much does it hurts you when you've tried your best and people just think likewise about you.

What if you've not achieved wat u want in life?

What if there isn't any route for you to go to?

What if you fail?

What if you were not given a chance to speak?

What ifs.....

These are the what ifs you would have to consider....

Lets see,I was badly criticised not by any other people i dunno but by my own dad.

I was badly criticed by how much i've wasted their money and broke their hearts and called a hopeless and useless person.

I was badly criticed being said i over-estimate myself and look down on people when it comes to singing.

I was badly criticed by what i have not achieved anything in life since young.

I was badly lectured for know doing anything good..."N levels failed twice unable to go to sec 5. Nitec years unable to go to poly. Higher Nitec now , with the grade its useless.... How to go to Laselle also u tell me?"

Yeah, these are the things to said not to be achieving in my years....

i was called only to cry

i was called a thick skin for not feeling ashamed...

i was called shameless to think tht the age i am now should be working or in UNI rather than stucked in ITE with nothing.

When it comes to music, i was badly said i think highly of myself.When people praise me , my heads pops out of the hard shell and can fly ....Singapore Idol not being able to make it to the top 24 was a disgrace.....

All these were all lectured and criticed in less then 30 mins in the car....

I was hurt and depressed and teared.

Not that i wanna tear to show sympathy but i am utterly hurt and devastated by the words he said towards me...

All the things he told me off.....what makes him think it doesn't occured to what i've thought about it too.....

He just didn't wanna hear my say thats all.....Then came my mum who tries to cushion the matter to me but it didn't work. It became worse....I've just got no one i could turn to...

I just felt lost and teared like how i teared back then when i was full of insecurities....