We came.

We met.

We walk.

We ate.

It all just came under silence.

we went speechless eversince....

We both were heart-broken.

We both teared.
We both wish this wasn't the end for us...

We both sacrificed.

Yes, why of all people out there in the world, its has to be us?

why , why ,why?

Yes, it would make everyone happy.

Then what about us?

Can't we be given a chance or blessing by them?

Chance were given to us.

We treasure it.

And it came shattered.

It's just too sudden.

And least expected.

It's fcuking UnFair~

His the one i've long for.

His the one i would want to be with for.

His the one i could turn to for.

His the one whom i can joke for.

His the one whom i treasure for.

His the one whom i would do anything to sacrifice for.

His the one whom i would want to marry for.

His the one whom i would like to be with for eternity for.

His the one that we made big dreams and future together for.

His the one that no one can replace for.

His the one that my love was made purely for him...

His the one...

His the one...

But that his the one....

was all gone...

In just days...

Yes, the best blessing is every mothers' blessing...
But does that makes you happy if your child is ain't happy at all?




9 months before,
i was still searching for tht one...
Till then i found it.
From the bottom of my heart,
It's the most fortunate thing that happened or appear in my life.
Watever typhoon came by, nothing means a big matter to me.
Because he was my pillar of strength to everything.





The river, the pond, the sea, the lake are so wide and long and big...
That fishes are everywhere out there...
But this particular one that made it so special.
That it's the one and only.
That no one can replace it for me.








If only i could turn back in time.
I would be a malay now to be with him.
If only i could turn back in time .
I will see his family regardless of how much critisicm i get from them and get embarressed.
If only chances were to be given again.
IF only we could fight it strong together....
If only....
If only.....








From that very moment i part from him.
Till now, tears had been rolling down my cheeks...
Again and Again.
Heart had been shattered and torn into billions and zillions of pieces....
Again and Again...
Pieces of happy times we shared been running through my mind...
Again and Again....








I am trying to be strong.
But each time i see and think about you...
think about the times we've been through...
think about all the things we've talk about...
It hurts me real bad...





I had to hide my sorrows at home.
And when i started to tear again.
I went running somewhere discrede... solelemely....
I couldn't express that to my family...
The feeling is so unbearable....
Uncontrollable....
I couldn't stand up alone.
I guess neither do you?
I couldn't walk down this aile alone...
I'm like a lost sheep running down every road everywhere...
Endlessly...










If only,
we could hold this on together.
Fight this on together...
Stronger...





As my love for you will not change.
Yes,it may be too early to say now...
But i bet it.
believe me...

I love you
Baby I love you
You are my life
My happiest moments weren't complete
If you weren't by my side
You're my relation
In connection to the sun
With you next to me
There's no darkness I can't overcome
You are my raindrop
I am the sea
With you and God, who's my sunlight
I bloom and grow so beautifully
Baby, I'm so proud
So proud to be your girl
You make the confusion
Go all away
From this cold and messed up world


I am in love with you
You set me free
I can't do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause
I'm Dangerously In Love with you
I'll never leave
Just keep lovin' me
The way I love you loving me


And I know you love me
Love me for who I am
Cause years before I became who I am
Baby you were my man
I know it ain't easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destiny
I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife
And I see my whole future in your eyes
Thought of all my love for you
sometimes make me wanna cry
Realize all my blessings
I'm grateful
To have you by my side


Every time I see your face
My heart smiles
Every time it feels so good
It hurts sometimes
Created in this world
To love and to hold
To feel
To breathe
To love you


Dangerously in love
Can't do this thing
I love you , I love you, I love you
I'll never leave
Just keep on loving me
I'm in love with you
I can not do
I cannot do anything without you in my life
Holding me, kissing me, loving me
DangerouslyI love you
Dangerously in love

GOD loves playing puzzles with me.
GOD loves playing jokes with me.
GOD loves playing hide and seek with me.
GOD loves playing merry go round with me.
GOD loves to put me up such high...
and drop like a dis-batch mango from very high hopes.... SPLATTERED!
GOD loves making fun of me.

DEcision lies between u.
No one can ever choose the path for you, except yourself.

HAH!

MY LIFE HAS BEEN LIVED WITH FULL OF JOKES~

Seen this video before?
Yeah u people sure do!
It's my favourite Advertisement.
wHY?
iT'S not about funeral aite...
But its about how much His wife treasure him despite his imperfections...
She talked about all his FLAWS AND ALL...
his bad habits in snoring and sleep talking.
But! Its the imperfections of him that makes it perfect...
Each time i see this advertisement,
be it in the bus, on tv or youtube.
I felt something...
It tells me how much i must treasure people around me...
It's so touching to hear her speech.
One moment with all kinds of sound.
And another moment with much agony....
Best sial....

Being too perfect in life has no meaning.
No thrill at all..
Correct me if i'm wrong...
If a person is sooo beautifully perfect perfect.
WAAT you wanna say to him or her?
Ur beautiful???

or

you might have all kinds of flaws and all but u are perfect in my eyes....
Right!
It don't have to be looks and fortune that gives you perfectness but its what you are and be yourself shows thr true u...

So people! Do treasure and accept ppl for who they are....
Cuz, once they are out off the natural world you'll regret of the things u shld have done to your loved ones and appreciate them despite how much problematic they are or how many times u quarrelled with them.
So,
when u say you miss that person
when u say you love that person
when u say your sorry to that person
when u say you treasure them
when u say you adore them...

Not just a bloody word or sentence that just come out from ur mouth or because you want to say to please that person...
BUt say it full from the bottom of your heart...
That way...
Life will be perfect no matter how much nonsense you have in life...

So, right now...
i would like to say from my deepest bottom of my heart that..

Syg,
I love you not for how bad you are.
But I LOVE YOU for what you are at heart.
I love you not because you have so many flaws and all..
But I LOVE YOU for , by accepting your flaws and all...
It's not hard ya know...
I miss you not because i wanna miss you miss you...
But because I MISS YOU for all the things we've done...
I miss you not because i just want your love and care and tender and hug
But I MISS YOU because of your presence....
Despite the times we laughed and went mad.
But went through talks tht when we're in a serious mode hahah!

And all i wanna say is....
No matter how many flaws and all you have...
in my EYE., your imperfections makes it perfect in every way...

Went to see a chinese physican this morning about my knee..
It actually went out of placing..
Then met teha and went for Rehersal in school..

The stress was there...
i dunno wat to say but....
I think i am much too much of emotional today...
Its been a long time since i went emotionally emotional.
I missed the past group oof how the way we sang..
But since its a new group i'm singing with..
I am adapting very well with them..
But i do hope they put their very best too...
I can see for most of them.
Good going guys, but keep it up aite... =D


Went to have dinner with Irene, Juz, Faiz, Dj, Natri and Teha at Subway..
Then went home...


Suddenly, i felt much wanted to call teha back and borrow her shoulder...
I went out of words and blank in mind a tht point of time...
I held, my tears and feelings back home in the bus thinking...
Till i get to call teha...
And ask i speak with her...
I can't control my feelinngs...
It's went bursting like cats and dogs...
Many kinds of reasons and questions running through my head...
I'm glad, i have Teha to turn to... =(
since that day i met you.
I know you have sth to tell me but you dunno when /what to say..
so i kept mumm.... but....
Which leads me to go blank as a blank sheep or as blank as a blank piece of paper for the next 3 days.... =((((((((


As much as i know your going in...
I am so afraid of many things..
I'm sadden tht ur oin NS but it a must u have to...
And i'll wait..
But if things turned out to be
" Think, we'll have to stop where we are... because i'm going to the forest"

or

"think we have to take a break till i fininsh in the forest."
or other excuses reason because i think it's too absurb to give these kinds of reasons...
As you said before...
Nothing cannot be solved...
And i do hope, even if it's solved, it wouldn't be this way..... =((((((
and I LOVE YOU. =*


Thank you Teha...
I lowe you.... =*

Mondays BLUEAK! =(

I went to work today.
A new admin lady came taking over Kat's place...
Todays' fweeling was totally bad..
It sucked i thell u...

Then rushed off to school for Floorball training today.
My training skills sucked too....
i can't even score goals..
simple ones...

Somehow hurt my right kneecap... due to old injury...



When people happened to be tired...
People tend to forget things...
I dun wan to elaborate any further...
cause i'm feeling dreadful and tired...
It is sometimes... that...
due to exhausion that leads to not taking the chance to reply....

SATURDAY...

exhausted day...

woke up early in the morning to go to school for a carnival..

play games? - nope

do marshals? - nope

doing the event? - nope

Perporming....=D

First half, me and nat were asked to sing 1 song each at a set-up stage at the stadiuM.

I thell u!

hot sia!!!!

Second half

perporm at the Amphitheatre...

crowd was not bad..

hahah!

Saw a few SM juniors...

hmmm..

Teha came...

Then we rushed off to TP.

Have floorball match...

Teha then left in a short while...

The game was damn intensed...

First set we got 0-3

second set 0-4

third set 3-4

WHAO!!!! A big jump!!!!

GOOD GIRLS!

Last set...

played halfway till it stopped...

cause there was some commotion goin on..

Well, al i have to say is we did quite well...

Able to have quite a pressure towards them...

I hope we'd so even better the next time... =D

Went home, met up with my mum and went out with her...

walked around simei...

Yesterday was Syg's last day at work...

Then he'll be free...

But he'll still have his roadshow doing Songsung for 3 days...

Hope to see him soon..

And spend even moment time with him b4 he goes into the jungle...

and become TARZAN!!! (Ohe ohe ohe oh~~~)

AHAHAH!!!!!

Finally!

i get to meet up wiith syg...

yeap, though i was late... sorry... -_-!!!

we changed our plans to go to pasir ris beach and eat there...

talk about certain things... hahah!!!

Then he wanted to eat BEN n JERRYS...

but was no where to be found! hahah!!

we'll just go back ltr...

I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOU AFTER A WEEK SYG~

do you like HERSHLEY faces?????

How about this?

This pictures below were taken on the SUNDAY when i had my semi-finals with Zainol too...
We had our solos and group performance...
Kassim, Nana, Kamsani and his mother came down...
So nice of your to come down and support...
Or it'll be so dying..
Zainol's family came...
Mine, none~ =(
But i'm glad that i have friends who came...

I've made it through the FINALS!!! for SHOWQUEST!!!
So guys!! do come down and support me ok!
Its on the 19ht or 17th June...
Do come down!!! importannt ok!!!!!

Geees, pshyc!
I received msg in the late night...
Calling me RICH....
I do not know why...
but MIND YOU! RICH word is a wrong word for me DUDE!
to define rich will be my parents... not me....
Money sometimes are from them....
That doesn't mean i am rich DWAYNE~
People who knows me well, understands why i hate it when u call me rich...
For those who don't know...
i shall explain why..
because people who are rich out there...
has sophisticated attitude...
in which they think they have the stand in everywhere they go because they have the MONAE!
Well, for me...
i'm not..
i'm just an ordinary girl...
with friends to hang out with...
with no MF attitude to pull people down like a childish brat...
even though my parents are above average pay...

I shall say i have bad time management too,
because sometimes i tend to be late..
.But because i know tht...
I am CHANGING....or rather saying... adjusting it...
Discipline....
hmmm....
i shall say sometimes i do not have...
But i do respect people....
with much of whom am i suppose to respect with....


I don't wanna find fault with you but because you SAID!
we do not want/ invite you back for show choir rehersal...
which is a TOTAL LIE!!!
SO WATCH what you say everytime...
because what you say everytime, gets yourself in trouble.....
Did we ever say don't come back..
.did we ever tell u to get lost from show choir???
I BELIEVE WE DID NOT...
NEITHER OF US...
so STOP PUTTING WORDS INTO PEOPLE'S MOUTH....

I've been so uptight with things these 2 mths...
It's because of work..
Or else...
i'll be happiy goin for rehersals...
playing sports...
yada yada..
AND NOT SPENDING my money on cabs,....
Damn..
i'm so gonna be broke...
in fact 0.1 % to be broke...
Have to run places here and there which made me go kuku...

Spent another hour at Cable ski yesterday...
This time..
I felt lethargic...
not like how i felt after a vigorous training but worse!
On the neck. triceps...
underarm...
It just kills....

Heard there was some commotion goin on
MOFO! gave attitude problems to these charlies...
and oh god..
MOFO made a hell like as if MOFO is somekind of boss around...
Stop it eh! ur leaving soon...
So be nice =)
Cause i am being nice to you too...

Speaking of commitments..
I also heard..
Someone saying we dun invite this person back
(you should know who you are)
Come on ok!
U can say about people not goin for the rehersals at Woodland....
"dun understand why these people come as and when they like...."
Hmmmm, how about speaking for youself?!
Ask yourself , were you like one of them b4?!
wHAT SAYing we dun wan u to come back...
During the holidays...
How many times have i been asking u to come back...
I've stopped asking because u dun show interest..
.Even u came.. like 1/ 2 out of 10!
u sat there like some MOFO knowing everything...

Ya la.... have other rehersals already ma...
Not to say that..
But see, Peopple like Syaiful can manage his time well... running here and there....
why can't you?
Cuz, people like u are in a big shot now.. Get it...
MOFEEE......

I'm not trying to go against you...
but after what i heard from people...
I'm ultimately utterly disappointed in you..
I dun wan to say you've changed..
But i guess.... this is your true colours...
WELL DONE DUDE!!!!!!!

Yeap....

This was roughly what we're doing when we're bored at work...

I finally get to know where is the cam at my sister's laptop...

Yeash...

Ended word early and went to City hall to wait for those 2 love birds...

loL!

Yeap...

Then we head down to East Coast for Cable ski...

Jay was there to guide us...

After a few rounds which made my arms.... damn sore....

Drank loads of salt water....

Which mades my skin feel flawless hahaahah!!!! (smooth i mean)

But that sport was the first time i tried...

was hard man!

Am, goin back there dead on...

This time bring my syg along.. =D.

6-5 more days... =D

MONDAY unBLUE

As per normal...
I head down to the office.
But this time i don't have to stay till 6! hahah!
Have to go down all the way to Dover ITE to meet the other Boss of mine...
Helped him do research and Citations...
Then i'm free...
But tml shall be one busy day....

I met up with Syg at Bugis.
We had Tong Seng's Chicken rice.
Then we head down with heavy stomach to eat Apple struddel...(yups...)
Hahaha!
We had so much to talk.Right syg?
But exchange of talks, to disturbings, to confessions to alot more...loL!....
I'm just more than happy to get to see you dispite its only for afew hours...
But that few hours are worth the time to be spent together and enjoy...

Speaking of enjoy....!!!
its only 8 more days left
THATS WHERE EXCITEMENT STARTS!!!!
SOON!
YOU READERS GET TO SEE MY EXCITEMENTS ALMOST EVERYDAY!!!!......
BUT of course the sentimentals and mushy ones you guys cannot see la...
cause YOU Guys are below 21! hahahah!

Pics are with Syg....

Syg! hurry upload! i wanna grab them... =)
PS: i kenna blueblack u swiney!

At home in the night...
Along day i guess?
Went to the gym as always...
Got ready for my performance...
It's the first time, i was putting on Fake Lashes which is so irritating puttin on....
Wasted my time till i was like late ahahah!

I thought my mum would come today.
So at least, i am able to sing a song for her.. Specially for MOTHER's Day.
But she didn't go.
Instead she went for her singing classes... =(
Therefore, i have no one to sing out infront to except for a group of unknown people. which makes me very nervous.. =(
I've prepared tht song a long way...
Turns out.... i'm singing along to myself...

As these special song is not only for my Mum and Dad.
But for my beloved syg...
Who is currently thinking he is "as strong as ever..." =p
The fact that i'm missing him so much.
And he has fallen sick due to stress at work...
How i'd wish i could be by his side like how it was when he was sick the other time.

Comments from Judges:
Strong vocals...
Unique voice..
Don't want to sound like the karaoke singer...
NIce change of keys but some are pitchy
Vocals too strong that i didn't control it well....
Need to use diaphragm....
I'm a chinese....
so should sing one like chinese..
Not a chinese singing like an ang moh...
WTH?
i dun understand where is she trying to get...
But nevertheless, i'll take those pointers as a learning point to improves except for the last... hahaha!
Cuz i dun understand where is she trying to drive at?

Result:
TurNED out, i got into the top 18 among the 30 peopl...
yeah me!
And yeah Zainol too...
He and i got into the same group to sing too!!
Double yeahness!!!!!

Next round of semi-finals will at at Telok Ayer Community Centre *(i think)
2 parts of performances...
PART 1: SINGING SOLO
PART 2: SING IN GROUP....

After that went to meet up with Kassim and Kamsani at Simei later later that....
Kassim was tired as he need to destress...
he went for ear candling... hahaha! first time hearing that!
Jeez...damn excited....but worried of the song choice i have to sing for now...swine!!!
Aite...
off to learn my songs... =)

Baby, i can't wait to see you tml...
furthermore...spending more time with you after 11 days!!!!!

Able to see the lashes????

Kassim went for Ear Candling today...

He likes it hhahaha!

~PERFECT MAN FOR ME, I LOVE YOU I DO~


A trip down to meet him.
Even though its a long dark road down..
Even though i've hurt my knee while rehersing... =x
But it's worth the trip to do so..
Anything for me to meet him....

Sweet of him too...
Though he was SICK.... the past few days...(never inform me somemore)
Though he just recovered, as in just....
He'd still meet me for dinner and sent me home...

Like i say...
Anything i do, i'll do it for you...
event it takes for me to bring a medicine down...
i will...
Even if you need someone to look after you..
i will...
But i can't cuz your busy at work...
But though i might not be by yourside...
I'd still be there to keep you in mind to take care of yourself..
I'd still be there to make sure that you are fine...
But don't keep from me showing me your strong huh... kns...
weak and sick means sick....loL!....
Don't act macho eh syg...
Cuz when i saw you, i can tell your damn shagged and over exhausted....
But it will be just in days till ur breaking free from tht tErrifying place
And i'll be free and throwing with my open arms to spend time with you each and everyday.....
I do and i will.... =D

Baby, you know i love you...
That my lowe for you will not change too...
That eversince my eyes had laid onto you...
It's been told and said set...

Sth really did strucked my mind ...
real hard...
but its expressionless...for me to express
That i nearly teared when i had a moment..
Cause that point of time was so scary and stressful that i've never felt before...

Wednesday shitss.. Balls...

I started my day feeling very shagged...

we've been eating this fried corn which was bought by Alvin from Philipines...NICE !

IT SHOWS HOW TASTY IT IS!

Jac watching mtv...-_-!!!

and these are the things i've been hogging onto..

I'll be waiting for more pictures to upload when i see the show choir mates!

MONDAY'S BLUES....

i came to work at a smile.

Then i little mouldy cuz the supervisor made us wait for 1HOUR outside...

Funny eh, say we late... who is late ....

Whole day, doing nothing much...

therefore, Jac and i decided to take pictures when Kat aren't around...

Accompany Jac to Met up with Gabriel after for dinner

walked around and then head home....

I'm missing syg very much...

Can't wait to meet him...

Can't wait to spend time with him...

Can't wait to play under the rain with him..

Can't wait to play with him under the sun... (not tht kind of play.. -_-!!!)

Can't wait to go Geeky picnic with him...

Can't wait can't wait...

Everyday , apart from trainings that i've been longing for...

Meeting him and spending time with him is what i am hogging for...
=D

I've come to a point where i read story books and novels about how relationships get so complicated.

There are many reasons why relationships that once looked like they would last forever suddenly fall apart. The truth is that relationships don’t suddenly fall apart it is something that happens over a long period of time and often before a two people have ever met.

I have found that most relationship problems can be traced back to low levels of self-esteem in one or both people.There is a direct correlation between the quality of your loving relationships and your level of self-esteem. You can only like yourself to the degree in which you fully accept yourself, and your level of self-esteem is largely determined by how much you are accepted by others.

Here are the most common factors that I have found that seem to lie at the root of most arguments, disagreements and divorces:

Reasons why relationship are so complexed....
1: They don't understand one another.
2: They can't get along.
3: Both have foul tempers and don't give in to one another.
4: Self-Pity
5: No trust
6: Quarrels and not solving it.
7: Blaming the opposite and not having self-reflection on oneself.
8" being too proud of yourself...
9! WomaniZe around!
10! flirt!!!!

Well, i guess these are the points that you readers will often see.
Or shall i say to some couples faced...
K, look at the first few all these can be resolved if you really love tht person and willinging to change on your own behalf without ppl forcing you to.
But LOOK AT the last few!

Like O.M.G!
For people who are slot in the last few category...
might as well don't be involved in a relationship.
Being slot into tht category , is best as well go to Geylang and find one.
Better still, find those at Changi! Know why?!
cuz they are jambu and gives the best services for guys....
Seriously, i just can't stand people who are acting like tht...

TO PEOPLE WHO ARE WOMANIZERS AND MANIZERS...

: HAVE YOU ASKED YOURSELF WHY ARE YOU BEHAVING THIS WAY...?
IN WHAT WAY HAS THE OPPOSITE SEX NOT SATISFY YOU...
IF SO DO SPEAK OUT TO MAKE THINGS BETTER...
AND NOT FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHEN U HAVE THE PERFECT PERSON INFRONT OF YOU ALREADY....
IF YOU PPL STILL THINKS U ARE RIGHT...
THEN ALL I HAVE TO SAY I FEEL SO SAaaaaaadDDD for yOU... SO SAD THT YOU HAVE TO BE THIS WAY...
TRASHING SOMEONE WHO CAN BE SOOO MUCH BETTER FOR YOU...
yOU WAN THE BEST FOR YOURSELF?
EVER THOUGH OF THE OTHER SIDE?
PEOPLE WILL DESPIsE !YOU THE WAY YOU ARE...
WANNA BE IN IT?
YOU HAVE TO BE YOURSELF...
AND NOT TRY TO FIT IN WITH PEOPLE WHOM PEOPLE WANT YOU TO BE.
I FEEL SAD FOR YOU AND AT THE SAME TIME ALL THE BEST FOR YOU...
May GOD BLESS UR BLISSFUL LIFE FULL OF WOMANIZING AROUND..=D

Well, i'm not refering to guys alone but girls too... Ya know...

Being to love someone is truely a good feeling.
But at the same time, if life really trash you out because of what happened...
it doesn't have to put a stop but to resolve it first...
like what its said, "it takes 2 hands to clap"
and no one is perfect.
So if your finding someone perfect.
Get a barbie doll instead, where she has nice long hair and flawless skin....

Comments to me if i am wrong....
or say your point of views...
i'd like to hear tht...

As for me,
i am happy with what i have now..
I do not know what holds the future for us....
but for all i know is tht i am faithful am being loved for someone who loved me for who i am.
As much as i love him too....
That is called HAPPINESS....
=D

Can you believe...


I was here....

He was here....

And i didn't realize we both were in this picture till recently! hahah!

And now we are here....
hahah!
See the diff anot?
Yes, i miss him alot..
the fact tht his busy...
the fact tht, i'm having attachments...
tht fact that to say i miss him and love him loads...
and can't bear to not see him for 2 years... *i think*
haha!

To think that everything happens for a reason.
And for us to meet and be together has a reason too...
Despite his ignorant, temperand arroganance
Despite my foul temper, crazy side of me, irritating lad...
we both accept for what each other are because....
it's not what we have appearance wise,
but it's the IMPERFECTTIONS that made us PERFECT.



Aite, side track....
I stayed at home for 2 straight days! can you believe it!
Woah, tht shld be a record! hahah!
I can't go anywhere...
the fact tht i have no where to go.
and syg is tired due to his hectic editing...
all i went was to gym for an hour an a half for 2 straight days...
running, running, running...
man, you don't know how it feels to sweat out unwanted things in your bodae...
i feel great man!

Apart from that, i went to watch a movie with my younger sister.
While sitting in the bus later to tampines, a spider appeared infront of me....
afraid tht the spide would "attack" me, i used an unused receipt i had in my wallet and put it on the floor hahah!!!!

I'll shall get back to where i am doing now, watching tv, stoning, eating apples,
listening to musics , listen to mum and dad karaoking
and not to mention;
missing my syg at all times too.. =D

Geez... my hair was soo black tht i just can't see where it is. haha!

Right after gyming

Spider that appeared infront of me while i was sleeping!