What would you do when someone belovedly u loved so much left you...

Be it as a family.

But someone whom you'd always have it there when u need it most.

When ur down, u can just talk to him without him whining back at you or barking at you..

But just look at you with despair and understands your worries?

12 years ago when i was 9.

I received a puppy...

He was a beagle with tri band colour on his body..

Seeing him so energetic and playful....

But now......

I've just lost 1 of my beloved one....

He might not be there to give advice to me...

He might nt be the one who always say i love you..

He might not be the one who scolds u upside down..

But his someone who is always there and makes u smile.

Sometimes seeing him doing dumb stuffs...

Stumble over stuff .

Or laying on the floor ,

face on the corridor...

Makes us chill with an awwwww.....

So cute!!!

Yeap, all was gone in just during our hours of sleep

Without us saying good bye or seeing him passed away right before our eyes...

I couldn't believe he would leave me tht early...

But i know his suffering...

I know he is hinting us..

I was suppose to bring him to the vet today...

But he doesn't give me the chance to bring him to see the vet.

But instead to leave without a good bye...

The last time i saw him was last night after i came home with dinner..

.Me calling for him...

Him not moving or responding to my calls...

After this morning ,

seeing him lay at the side of the grass with his mouth not closed...

Makes me think he died suffering badly...

I couldn't stop tearing....

Till the time the person came to take him away.

Seeing him carry charlie into the black plastic bag makes me wanna tear even more...

Worse was i wasn't allowed to have his ash .....

Till now...

i missed his waiting by the gate for me....

The tail wagging and barking at me for food...

I missed his running back to the backyard at 7pm SHARP to bark for food....

I missed his snatching of food from me....

i missed his smile with his tongue sticking out...

I misssed his using of nose pushing the sliding door wanting to come in.....

I missed his ,me calling him to "sit" or "down" or "come here charlie!!!"

or "go behind! go behind!"

I miss every single of him....

That 12 years of relationship with him was so unbearable to let him go...

His more than a family to me...

And i will miss him like how i miss those tht i loved dearly whole-heartedly....

Saddness aside for now...

I went to watch FAME with showchoir peeps today...

To clear the mind for awhile....

Seeing the happenings in FAME.

A few tht are quite similar to my life now....

Haiz,....sad...

But learn from one point...

You cannot be greedy to be having FAME all the time...

If FAME is wat you want...

You'll miss something that is much more important...

Not say i wanna say...

But i leave it to you to listen , understand and hear for youself... =)

Nights...