I woke up late for class.
Was about to leave house when Trevor called me.
Asked what happened to me.
I said i'll be on my way to skl now and he wants to see me.

When i met him. He asked if i'm facing and problems now etc etc.
Well, he looks concern.
Yap, so as questions are questioned by him.
Answer were so answered by me slowly as tears rolled down from eyes to cheeks.
I felt so heart broken like.
Ya know wanna cry a hell oout of me.
But, i held my emotions and let the tears rolled down.

I just dunno what to do you see.
I've cut down on sports cuz of the pack commitments i had.
Thinking i could cope with whatever i'm having now.
But each time i reached home opening my books ...... i dunno where to start and end with a close book. seriously.
Yes its just a second semester.
Yes its just the fifth week only , i still have a long way to hit to 3.0 and above.
But ....but.....things just so hard.
I had a 2.0 for my first semester which was so fucking surprising for me.
I can't affort to hit any lower or not improving.
I felt so....so...
dunno how to describe la.

I nearly like give up not in a sense to stop my course. BUT to you know like. break a while....
But then i think again....
if i were to do so...
i'm a failure and not an acheiver~
I will be a person thts only a pail half full of water. (BAN TONG SHUI)

The other thing was ,i was so pressurised by my dad's unhope and mum's words....
if i were not to go poly or do well...he wld say i wasted him money and wasted my time.
My mum will say. you might as well not study and work now...
Gee its so demoralizing...
Well, at least they are not so naggy but i felt the sensation of stress there.....
I see my cousins that are taking o lvl and psle are doin so well...
i felt ashame of myself.
Going to JC was my pass aim but i failed....
aND NOW ...how????
I dun wanna be a person that people looked down on especially my parents...
Its been awhile since i cried over my studies...
and this time... emotions detrayed me..
it just you know.....let it out infront of Trevor....
Not saying paiseh. but you'll hardly see an advisor so concern....
i'm glad to have him as a friend and as a class advisior.. =)


so now...
whether or not
what i do in future...
I'll just have to do well with what i'm doin and finish this course well...
Studyin arts overseas or in nafa or any else where....will then decide.....